My guest today is David M. Frees. He is a Trust, Estate and Wealth Preservation Lawyer from Phoenixville Pennsylvania. He is an expert when it comes to persuasion and communication, and on a personal note Dave is one of the best communicators I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I think you’ll go back and listen to this episode numerous times, because there’s so many takeaway points.
Here are the highlights:
- The first and most powerful key to being a good communicator, great negotiator and person of influence, is to master the art of listening to the other person.
- You need to quiet the demons in your own head and not be thinking about what you want to say next.
- When you meet someone, always be looking for something to compliment him or her on, but make it genuine. “Wow that is a smashing tie”.
- It takes enormous practice to listen and not automatically respond or jump into the conversation.
- Everyone you meet is smarter than you at something, and thinking this way sets you up in a very positive mindset right from the start. The other person will sense your positive body language and attitude towards them.
- You can build trust by confessing something very early in the conversation. If you’re selling a product, you may point out a flaw in certain situations, or if it’s a personal conversation you may make an admission that may be slightly odd or embarrassing. Just don’t do it in the first 30 seconds. Also why you shouldn’t talk about your haemorrhoids.
- Some people will say that using these techniques is just manipulation, and they are correct, however all human communication is manipulative in some way, but you need to give up the idea that it’s a bad thing. It’s your INTENT for the outcome that matters. You can manipulate in a negative, or positive way.
- Where is the best place to learn more about this subject?
- The language we use, when communicating, can be very powerful and influential. Saying to a child, ‘don’t spill the milk’…puts that image in their head and increases the chance of them spilling the milk. But if you say, ‘keep the milk in the cup’, that’s the image they will see. We see words as images.
- The tonality of your voice, the speed of your voice and your body language is far more important than the words you use. This is why Barry White was so popular with his female audience.
- Learning to vary the speed and tone of your voice can be very effective in certain situations. If you want to hurry people up, or slow people down…use your voice.
- It’s important to go back and re-listen to mentors, previous podcasts and reread books because you’ll have a different mindset year to year and you’ll pick up new things each time.
- When you make a deal with yourself that you’re going to do something, no matter what, you need to stick to it, but don’t stay with it if it’s not working.
- Sometimes it is advisable to quit.
- Persuasion and influence is different. Persuasion is very hard to do because it relies you changing someone else’s mind, but over time and by building trust it is possible, however influence is where to want to be.
- Persuasion is part of a bigger goal and that is to become an influencer.
Dave runs an event in Tempe Arizona every October: 3 Days of Success and Business Black Ops. Bookings can be made at www.3daystosuccess.com but if it’s your first time it’s best to call Dave’s assistant Lisa on (610) 933 8069 and organise a short phone meeting with Dave to make sure the event is for you.
Dave’s Podcast: In Top Form
Dave’s Book: The Language of Parenting